I live in fear. Daily.

I saw the local superintendent of schools last night. I looked at him closely, from a safe distance, but I couldn't see any burn marks or any kind of sign that lightning had struck him. His cancer is in remission, too. Why is that? Why doesn't lightning strike him down? It would prove that God is paying attention! Why doesn't it happen?

Why doesn't it?

That this man is walking around unharmed and otherwise untouched by some kind of sign from above that marks him as evil, makes me doubt.

And what is it that I doubt, because of this man?

I doubt the existence of any kind of proof that good will overcome evil. Because of this man, I doubt the word of people I really ought to trust, but I don't, and I don't, because of this man. Because of this man, I break out in cold sweats of horror and fear. When I think of evil incarnate, I think of this man.

His body is a facade, a fake. Inside his fakeness are the burning pits of Hell. Burning pits of Hell, held together by flesh that isn't really flesh, and a smile that freezes people cold. Burning pits that freeze. A mass of contradictions and lies, fronted by that smile and that soft gentle voice that still fools a lot of people. A silver-haired lord of the flies.

He is in charge of all the children in this community. There are those who believe him to be the salvation of the masses. I used to be the president of his fan club.

Now I know him for what he truly is, and I fear for this school system and for the children his existence touches.

And I don't dare speak out. Others have tried, and I'd tell you what happened to them after they were fired but I honestly don't know. None of them live here any more.

I don't either, not really. I mean, I live here, but I don't call this living. Not any more.

He hits you where it really hurts, and he hits you in such a way that you don't dare hit back.

I said 'dare' and I meant 'dare.' There are others besides me who live in fear of this man and his minions.

I think he is Satan's mentor.

Bitterness does not even begin to cover it. If you took all the sour candy and phenylthiocarbamide (trust me, I googled it) in the world and turned it into a black hole and then held it in your mouth letting the alkaloid melt your flesh in some protest ritual akin to monks and fire, you still wouldn't come close. By the by, this is the only blog I have so this DOES belong here. Suck it up or use the fucking scroll wheel.

That said, I am ashamed to be living in Colorado right now. The Dems hold the state for only the second time in history. We control the state Senate and House, we have one of ours in the Governor's mansion. Feels like maybe Boulder leaked out of its little cocoon and spread its liberal hippie love all over the state. Hmmmm ... maybe I should recind my proposal to allow California to annex that self rightous little county. But wait. While we may have elected people for change, a simple glance at what ballot initiatives passed and failed reminds me that I live smack dab in the middle of Red Country. And not the kind that got you black listed in the 50's. The kind that makes you think social services should change it's name to "screw-you-get-a-job-we-don't-give-a-rat's-ass-about-you". It's true, I've seen the mothers who cannot afford to feed their children, still waiting for help 6 months after applying. All the while, the telltale signs of malnutrition evident in the tiny faces. But that is neither here nor there, a rant for another day.

Let's go over what the surplus of rednecks in this beautiful state think is OK to put into those dusty old tomes we call the law books. And, what is not fit for those golden pages.

Let's start with what did pass, for the sake of continuity. Amendment 43, we have now joined the ranks of states that are so paranoid about gay people we have to DEFINE marriage as between one man and one woman. What's with the "one"? Are we ashamed because Warren Jeffs was aprehended in our state? Is it catching? Dear god, someone get me some hand sanitizer! Amendment 42 also made it through, though just barely. While raising the minimum wage sounds like a good idea ($5.15 an hour does not come anywhere close to paying rent in Denver) tying it into our constitution as something that happens every year is stupid. Strike that, full blown retarded. You can't expect some small business with an owner and 3 part time high school employees in Rifle (go ahead, laugh, I do everytime that town comes up) to pay wages equal to that of what is paid in Denver. Denver is one of the most expensive cities in the country. You do the math on how many businesses will go under, and how many union jobs (the wages of which are often tied to minimum wage) will be cut to make room in the books for this new expense. We'll tally the cost in 5 or 6 years. On to the referendums ... H which tells us that companies that hire "unauthorized aliens" (apparently illegal immigrants is not a broad enough term) will be forced to pay higher taxes. While I am not against this in principle, this along with the raised minimum wage is going to increase the cost of things such as houses and anything that involves shit jobs such as cleaning the toilets in your office. And apparently, the state is going to sue the federal government per referendum K for not enforcing existing immigration laws. For the love of Christ people, what good is that going to do?

On to the failed initiatives, which are in the order they piss me off: referendum I, and amendment 44. Come on people, not only are we denying gays even the hope of ever being able to get married, but we are telling them they have fewer rights than pets in this state. Fucking fascists is what we are. What's next, little pink triangles they have to wear in public? Wait, someone's tried that already ... it didn't work out. I don't smoke pot, and I recognize that even if the state legalizes it, there is still the federal laws that make it a crime to have. I did however like the idea of the state rising up and telling the federal government "we know you're full of shit about what this drug does to people and we aren't going to take it anymore". Basically I am always all for a collective middle finger to the government.

I am begining to think Canada may not be far enough away for me, I might have to defect to France. Not that all is lost, the Dems took the House in Washington, and as I write, are thisclose to taking the Senate, though that race could go either way. Collectively, the country told the Bush administration exactly where the sun does not shine and how to kiss that particular sweet spot. Good job people.

And That Would Be Me, All Over

I should have taken Anne Sexton's advice and run away before it was too late. "As for me, I am a watercolor; I wash off." I am hoping she was wrong about some circumstances because it's too late to turn back now.

I have been a dormant volcano for years and I am ready to blow. To hell with convention.

Ideally speaking ....

I want to write in tones of
late night coffee shop of
1967 downtown Denver of
all night Frisco jazz club of
society-altering poems of
generations that aren't sleeping of
mindful protesters of
clear enemies of
civil disobedience of
unity in objectives of
political satire of
intellectual orgies of
responsible foreign policy of
a watchful public of
Revolution! of
sad little monks of
innocent youth of
ladders that start at the bottom of
not the rich, the many of
corporate accountability of
a working system of
social progress of
some kind of future of
leaving a better world of
true equality of
dreams meeting reality of
hope